I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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