4 words: hood of his car
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
