i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
