Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
