His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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