I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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