Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
