Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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