No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
