In the future we'll all be gay
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
