Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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