She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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