we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I didn't notice because vodka
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
