So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
