now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
