ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
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SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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