ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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