okay pat passed out under dana's car
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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