Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
