this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
