I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
