what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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