SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
