my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
