You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
