Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
