I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
