I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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