I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
