are you still at the devil's house?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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