So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
