On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
