i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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