We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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