If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
