You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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