So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
