did you get engaged???
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
