my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
