there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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