you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
