i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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