This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
