hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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