she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
