I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
