I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
