Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
