Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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