I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
