can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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