Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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