**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
