I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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