In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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