that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
