I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
