im six kinds of drunk right now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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