I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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