I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
