Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
