I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
