apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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