all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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