I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
