Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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