In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
