it wasn't lemon gatorade
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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