please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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