I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
