I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
