I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
