If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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