I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
